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Thousands of Republican Women Devour Their Own Young to Prove They Too Don’t Need Children
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Thousands of Republican Women Devour Their Own Young to Prove They Too Don’t Need Children

In a move that has stunned political pundits and family dinner tables alike, thousands of Republican women across the country have chosen to literally eat their young in an effort to prove once and for all that conservative women, like their Democratic counterparts, do not require children to assert political or personal power. The mass...

Donald Trump Jr. Launches New TikTok Account Featuring Stray Cat and Dog Recipes: First Recipe, Tabby Cat Casserole
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Donald Trump Jr. Launches New TikTok Account Featuring Stray Cat and Dog Recipes: First Recipe, Tabby Cat Casserole

In what many are calling his most creative endeavor yet, Donald Trump Jr. has taken to TikTok with an unexpected and highly controversial new series of videos. Titled Neighborhood Nom Noms, the series aims to teach Americans how to cook delicious, homey meals using stray cats and dogs “liberated” from local yards, alleyways, and, in...

IDPL Sues JD Vance for Ruining Donuts’ Sexy Reputation After Awkward Campaign Stop
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IDPL Sues JD Vance for Ruining Donuts’ Sexy Reputation After Awkward Campaign Stop

Valdosta, GA — The International Donut and Pastry League (IDPL) announced today that they are suing JD Vance, vice presidential candidate and author of “Hillbilly Elegy,” for what they call an “unprecedented attack” on the sex appeal of donuts. The lawsuit comes on the heels of a disastrous photo-op in Valdosta, Georgia, where Vance’s attempts...

McDonald’s Faces Unprecedented Sales Drop as Nation Realizes Diarrhea Isn’t Fun
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McDonald’s Faces Unprecedented Sales Drop as Nation Realizes Diarrhea Isn’t Fun

In an unforeseen turn of events, fast-food giant McDonald’s has reported a significant decrease in sales as Americans finally come to grips with the revelation that experiencing diarrhea is, in fact, not enjoyable. Diarrhea Detractors Speak Out “I used to enjoy the thrill of eating a McDouble and playing the ‘Will I or Won’t I’...