In a stunning display of long-term planning, the Democratic National Committee (DNC) today announced an ambitious strategy to reclaim the South by the year 2076. “We’ve been playing the long game,” said a DNC spokesperson, “and we’re confident that by the time America celebrates its tricentennial, we’ll have made significant inroads.”

The plan, which includes a combination of outreach to younger voters, redistributing bumper stickers, and a “southern charm school” for candidates, is being hailed as the most patient approach in modern political history.

“Who needs immediate results when you can aim for the stars?” added the spokesperson. “After all, what’s a few more decades in the grand scheme of things?”