In a surprising turn of events, George Santos, the recently expelled congressman, is thrilled about his newfound freedom from the shackles of Capitol Hill. While most politicians would be devastated by such a setback, Santos has embraced the opportunity to focus on more important things in life—like family, cooking, and, of course, the impending federal prison sentence. In an exclusive...
Food
EggNog Votes American’s 8th Favorite Nog
In a stunning turn of events, the highly prestigious Nog Institute of America has just released its annual Nog Rankings, and guess who cracked the top ten? That’s right, egg nog! In a surprising upset, egg nog has been voted America’s 8th favorite nog, beating out lesser-known contenders like almond nog and coconut nog. The Nog Institute of America (NIA)...
Fruity Revelation: Gen Z Discover Only Ingredient in Fruit Is More Fruit
Gen Z is reeling from a discovery that has left them questioning the very essence of their favorite snacks. Brace yourselves, because it turns out that the mysterious ingredient in fruits is, wait for it… more fruit! Yes, you read that right. It seems the digital-savvy generation, known for its ability to decode complex emojis and create viral TikToks, has...
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New Evidence Shows Donner Party Victims of High Protein Diet
Documents recently discovered by historians at Stanford University reveal that members of the famed Donner Party did not eat their...
McDonald’s Faces Unprecedented Sales Drop as Nation Realizes Diarrhea Isn’t Fun
In an unforeseen turn of events, fast-food giant McDonald’s has reported a significant decrease in sales as Americans finally come...
IDPL Sues JD Vance for Ruining Donuts’ Sexy Reputation After Awkward Campaign Stop
Valdosta, GA — The International Donut and Pastry League (IDPL) announced today that they are suing JD Vance, vice presidential...
Donald Trump Jr. Launches New TikTok Account Featuring Stray Cat and Dog Recipes: First Recipe, Tabby Cat Casserole
In what many are calling his most creative endeavor yet, Donald Trump Jr. has taken to TikTok with an unexpected...
Thousands of Republican Women Devour Their Own Young to Prove They Too Don’t Need Children
In a move that has stunned political pundits and family dinner tables alike, thousands of Republican women across the country...