WASHINGTON, D.C. — Vice President JD Vance found himself at the center of a viral moment after dramatically fumbling the Ohio State Buckeyes’ championship trophy during a White House celebration. The crowd gasped as the trophy’s base slipped from his hands, crashing to the floor like the dreams of a kid who peaked in high school gym class.
The incident, which occurred just moments after Vance eagerly reached out to lift the prized hardware, quickly prompted questions from reporters, witnesses, and Buckeyes fans alike.
But Vance was quick with an explanation.
“In my defense,” he said solemnly, “I’ve never held a trophy before. Turns out, they don’t give trophies for 8th place in any competition. Who knew?”
Sources close to the Vice President say this is the closest he’s ever come to victory of any kind, having previously earned several “Participant” ribbons, a “Most Improved” badge in youth bowling, and one “Honorable Mention” in a middle school spelling bee for correctly spelling “mediocre.”
The top portion of the trophy remained safely in the hands of Ohio State running back TreVeyon Henderson, who reportedly muttered, “I should’ve been the one to hold it in the first place.”
White House staffers scrambled to collect the broken parts while President Trump, standing nearby, gave Vance a pat on the back and whispered, “Don’t worry, I dropped democracy once too.”
Vance later tried to spin the moment in his favor, tweeting: “I didn’t drop the trophy. I was separating it into two pieces for easier sharing. Like a true populist.”
Despite the gaffe, the Buckeyes appeared unfazed. “Honestly,” one player said, “it’s still less embarrassing than losing to Michigan.”
Meanwhile, manufacturers of athletic trophies nationwide are reportedly in talks to create a JD Vance Signature Series: shatterproof, lightweight, and labeled “For Display Purposes Only.”
