In a shocking revelation that has rocked the political landscape, former President Donald J. Trump has finally admitted why he was so passionate about banning plastic straws: one touched him inappropriately at his 13th birthday party. The confession came during an impromptu press conference at Mar-a-Lago, where Trump, standing in front of a golden ice sculpture of himself, recounted the...
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Elon Musk Celebrates “Bring Your Kid to the Presidential Coup Day” at the White House
X AE A-12 Declares Himself Supreme Overlord of America, Tells Trump to “Shut Your Mouth” WASHINGTON, D.C. — In what experts are calling the most surreal take-your-child-to-work-day event in history, billionaire tech mogul Elon Musk brought his son, X Æ A-12, to what some are now referring to as “Bring Your Kid to the Presidential Coup Day” at the White...
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Trump Finally Reveals Dark Childhood Trauma Behind Plastic Straw Ban
In a shocking revelation that has rocked the political landscape, former President Donald J. Trump has finally admitted why he...
Elon Musk Celebrates “Bring Your Kid to the Presidential Coup Day” at the White House
X AE A-12 Declares Himself Supreme Overlord of America, Tells Trump to “Shut Your Mouth” WASHINGTON, D.C. — In what...
250 MILLION AMERICANS SCREAM “BINGO!” AS TRUMP SPEEDRUNS THE APOCALYPSE
In an event that will go down in history as either the loudest synchronized scream or the final desperate cry...
Trump Determinded to Make ‘Mericans as Dumb As Him, Or More Dumber
In a move that left educators scratching their heads and late-night comedians rubbing their hands in glee, President Trump unveiled...
Trump’s First Executive Order: Granting Himself A Kagillion More Executive Orders
WASHINGTON, D.C. — On his very first day as President, Donald J. Trump made history yet again. In a move...
National Flags to Fly at Half-Flaccid for the Next Four Years
The Department of State announced today that all U.S. flags—state and national—will fly at “half-flaccid” to honor the inauguration of...
Ban of TikTok Will Force Thousands To Find Other Websites To Convince You That You Can Make A Watermelon Look and Taste Like Steak
TikTok—the beloved app that made viral watermelon steak tutorials a household phenomenon—is facing a potential nationwide ban, leaving Gen Z...
America Finally Finds Common Ground as Americans Agree They Have No Clue Who Robbie Williams Is
UNITY IN 2025!!! In a stunning display of rare and historic unity, the United States of America has come together...