In an almost too-familiar return to the cabinet-assembling scene, Donald Trump is confident his latest picks, which reportedly include names like Matt Gaetz, Stephen Miller, Elon Musk, and Pete Hegseth, will take much longer to turn against him. “Look, this time, I’m giving myself at least a full year before someone starts writing a tell-all or subpoenaing me,” Trump reportedly...
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Boomer Thanksgiving in Crisis as Trump Victory Leaves Family With Nothing to Scream About
“Running out of clouds to yell at!” November 2024 – Across the country, a cloud of anxiety looms over Thanksgiving gatherings as millions of Boomer parents, aunts, and uncles struggle to find a suitable topic to argue about over the dinner table. Following Trump’s unexpected victory, the traditional feast-day yelling that once united families in a blaze of cross-table animosity...
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Trump: Confident New Cabinet Picks Will Last “Much Longer” Before Turning on Him
In an almost too-familiar return to the cabinet-assembling scene, Donald Trump is confident his latest picks, which reportedly include names...
Boomer Thanksgiving in Crisis as Trump Victory Leaves Family With Nothing to Scream About
“Running out of clouds to yell at!” November 2024 – Across the country, a cloud of anxiety looms over Thanksgiving...
Google Reports Highest-Ever Search Term Following Trump’s Reelection: “Holy Fucking Shit What Just Happened Did He Get Reelected How Do I Buy a House in Canada?”
MOUNTAIN VIEW, CA — In an unprecedented surge of user activity, Google has reported the highest volume search term in...
GOP Assures Voters: Home Depot Co-Founder Bernard Marcus’s 6 Votes for Trump ‘Absolutely Secure’ Posthumously
In a last act of loyalty, late Home Depot co-founder Bernard Marcus has reportedly made clear that his political intentions...
Trump and Vance Issue Heartfelt Apology to Female Voters; Admit They Had “No Idea” Women Could Actually Vote
former President Donald Trump and Senator J.D. Vance held a press conference yesterday to issue a formal apology to the...
McDonald’s Hit with Lawsuit Over New “Orange Bronzer Fries” – Customers Turn Shades of Trump
McDonald’s is facing a new controversy after customers reported experiencing severe illness—not from E. coli this time, but from an...
Donald Trump Watch Only Tells You Why Other Watches Can’t Tell Time
Donald Trump has unveiled his latest product: the Trump Timepiece™. This revolutionary watch has promised to redefine how we perceive...