Ex First Lady Melania Trump has officially declared her support for legalized abortion—but with a catch. Standing in front of a dramatically oversized portrait of herself in her signature “I don’t really sleep with my husband, do u?” jacket, Melania addressed a small gathering of loyal fans and bewildered reporters at her Florida home, Mar-a-Lago, this past Tuesday. “For too...
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Pete Rose Banned from Heaven After Being Caught Betting on His Own Dead Pool
Heaven (October 1, 2024) – In a stunning turn of celestial events, Pete Rose, the legendary baseball star who was infamously banned from Major League Baseball for gambling, has now found himself banned from heaven after an even more shocking revelation: he placed a bet on his own death in a heavenly dead pool. Sources close to the pearly gates...
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Melania Trump Breaks Silence: ‘Legalize Abortion for Any Porn Star My Husband Impregnates’
Ex First Lady Melania Trump has officially declared her support for legalized abortion—but with a catch. Standing in front of...
Pete Rose Banned from Heaven After Being Caught Betting on His Own Dead Pool
Heaven (October 1, 2024) – In a stunning turn of celestial events, Pete Rose, the legendary baseball star who was...
Breaking: J.D. Vance’s Campaign Strategists to Replace Him with Puppet for Tuesday Debate to Make Him Look More Human
J.D. Vance’s vice presidential campaign team has reportedly decided to substitute Vance with a puppet for the upcoming debate against...
P. Diddy Changes Name Again in Attempt to Escape Legal Troubles: “I Am Now… Probably Not Diddy”
The artist formerly known as Puffy, Puff, Puff Daddy, P. Diddy, Diddy, and, most recently, Love, has decided to change...
J.D. Vance Announces New Campaign Strategy: Delivering Speeches from Behind Bushes to Appear ‘Less Creepy’
Senator J.D. Vance has announced that henceforth, he will only deliver his campaign speeches while hiding behind bushes. The decision,...
DeSantis Declares ‘State of Emergency’ for His Poll Numbers
Florida Governor Ron DeSantis has declared a “State of Emergency” for his rapidly sinking poll numbers. The announcement came during...
Thousands of Republican Women Devour Their Own Young to Prove They Too Don’t Need Children
In a move that has stunned political pundits and family dinner tables alike, thousands of Republican women across the country...
Donald Trump Jr. Launches New TikTok Account Featuring Stray Cat and Dog Recipes: First Recipe, Tabby Cat Casserole
In what many are calling his most creative endeavor yet, Donald Trump Jr. has taken to TikTok with an unexpected...