UNITY IN 2025!!! In a stunning display of rare and historic unity, the United States of America has come together as one to declare: “We have absolutely no idea who Robbie Williams is, and frankly, we’re fine with that.” The epiphany struck after news broke that the upcoming Robbie Williams biopic, Better Man, generated less excitement stateside than a 4th...
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Elon Musk Becomes 2nd Most History-Changing “Piece of Sh*t” After the Elvis Incident
In a groundbreaking development in the annals of absurd historical milestones, Elon Musk has officially been declared the second most history-changing piece of shit—just behind the infamous turd that indirectly caused Elvis Presley’s fatal bathroom heart attack. A Turd of Legendary Proportions The “Elvis Turd,” as it’s colloquially known, has long been heralded as the pinnacle of excremental significance. According...
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America Finally Finds Common Ground as Americans Agree They Have No Clue Who Robbie Williams Is
UNITY IN 2025!!! In a stunning display of rare and historic unity, the United States of America has come together...
Elon Musk Becomes 2nd Most History-Changing “Piece of Sh*t” After the Elvis Incident
In a groundbreaking development in the annals of absurd historical milestones, Elon Musk has officially been declared the second most...
President-Elect Trump Spends Christmas Claiming Gifts with “Mine!” Methodology
Mar-a-Lago, Florida — In what observers are calling a “bold and festive display of manifest destiny,” President-elect Donald Trump reportedly...
House Ethics Committee Shocked to Discover Matt Gaetz’s Complete Lack of Ethics
The House Ethics Committee has concluded that former Congressman Matt Gaetz possesses absolutely no ethics whatsoever. This finding comes after...
White House Cleaning Staff Already Dreading Possible Trump Return: “We Just Got the Stains Out”
Washington, D.C. — As political pundits speculate on a potential return to the White House by Donald Trump, the cleaning...
Crypto Investors Celebrate as Bitcoin ‘Bounces Back’ to Half of What They Lost Last Year
“The comeback is real!” tweets a hopeful millionaire-turned-Uber driver. Crypto enthusiasts are in high spirits this week as Bitcoin surged...
Biden Pardons Trump for Pardoning Family Member by Pardoning Family Member
America Stunned by 4D Chess Move Washington, D.C. — In a political maneuver that has left both cable news pundits...
White House Democrats Report Surge in Arm and Wrist Pain Amid Intense Finger-Pointing Epidemic
Washington, D.C. — A baffling epidemic of arm and wrist pain has gripped Democrats in and around the White House,...