In a shocking revelation that has rocked the political landscape, former President Donald J. Trump has finally admitted why he was so passionate about banning plastic straws: one touched him inappropriately at his 13th birthday party. The confession came during an impromptu press conference at Mar-a-Lago, where Trump, standing in front of a golden ice...
X AE A-12 Declares Himself Supreme Overlord of America, Tells Trump to “Shut Your Mouth” WASHINGTON, D.C. — In what experts are calling the most surreal take-your-child-to-work-day event in history, billionaire tech mogul Elon Musk brought his son, X Æ A-12, to what some are now referring to as “Bring Your Kid to the Presidential...
In an event that will go down in history as either the loudest synchronized scream or the final desperate cry of a collapsing nation, 250 million Americans simultaneously yelled “BINGO!” this morning after President Donald Trump’s latest actions successfully filled out their End of the World Bingo cards. The collective outburst, described by one scientist...
In a move that left educators scratching their heads and late-night comedians rubbing their hands in glee, President Trump unveiled his latest strategy to, in his words, “make education great again by making it less… complicated.” The first step? Dismantling the Department of Education, an institution he believes has been infiltrated by “radical zealots and...