In an unprecedented move that has left political analysts scratching their heads and linguists reaching for their whiskey, Ohio Senator J.D. Vance has announced a bold new criterion for presidential eligibility. According to Vance, any candidate whose name he and former President Donald Trump find too difficult to pronounce should be automatically disqualified from running...
In an unexpected turn of events, President Joe Biden has officially dropped out of the presidential race, leaving a nation of resourceful Republicans scratching their heads and getting creative with their now seemingly obsolete “Fuck Joe Biden” signs. Once a proud declaration of disdain, these signs are finding new life in the hands of the...
In a bold and highly questionable move, Sticker Mule has announced an unprecedented show of support for former President Donald Trump. The company is now offering half-price discounts on MAGA hats and Nazi flags for customers who use the promo code #letsgobrandon at checkout. In a press release that left many scratching their heads, Sticker...
Hollywood, CA – In an event that has shocked meteorologists, pop culture enthusiasts, and the LGBTQ+ community alike, beloved fitness guru Richard Simmons emerged from his self-imposed hibernation yesterday. In a bizarre twist of fate, he saw his own shadow, promptly announcing six more weeks of Gay Pride Month. Simmons, who has largely stayed out...
In an unprecedented show of bipartisan unity, President Joe Biden and former President Donald Trump have joined forces to demand the inclusion of a new frontrunner in their upcoming debate: ‘None of the Above.’ This mysterious candidate, whose popularity has surged in recent polls, seems to resonate deeply with an American public exhausted by traditional...
In a courtroom drama that’s giving soap operas a run for their money, the National Enquirer finds itself in the hot seat, and it’s not because of another shocking alien sighting. No, this time it’s because of the Trump hush money trial, and the tabloid’s credibility is taking a nosedive faster than a UFO over...
Idaho Governor Brad Little has recently noted that due to his success in restricting all rights from anyone NOT a white male, that he managed to shave 200 years off the state. “Look how young our state looks. And as you know, we in Idaho like them young.” In a speech given to a large...
Sam Bankman-Fried has been sentenced to 25 years in prison today. A sentence that could be reduced with good behavior. Bankman-Fried, 32, was convicted in November of fraud and conspiracy — a dramatic fall from a crest of success that included a Super Bowl advertisement and celebrity endorsements from stars like quarterback Tom Brady, basketball...
Presidents’ Day, authorities have announced a significant amendment to the holiday’s celebration. Henceforth, Presidents’ Day will come with a subtle asterisk, signifying the inclusion of “MOST” presidents. This nuanced adjustment aims to acknowledge the vast majority of leaders who have graced the Oval Office while tactfully sidestepping a select few who might not be everyone’s...
Trump’s lawyers are looking for more details on his devastating loss Friday in a New York fraud case that threatens the empire. Not only is the Ex-President forced to pay $355 in fines, but he is also ineligible do business in the State of New York for the next 3 years. Lawyers are looking for...