J.D. Vance’s vice presidential campaign team has reportedly decided to substitute Vance with a puppet for the upcoming debate against Tim Walz. The decision, sources say, is aimed at making Vance appear “more relatable and human.”

“We’ve tried everything,” said an anonymous campaign insider. “Coaching, empathy training, even forcing him to binge-watch Ted Lasso. But somehow, voters still say Vance comes off a little too…well, robotic. So, we thought, why not lean into it? Nothing says ‘I’m a real boy’ like an actual puppet.”

The puppet, designed by a team of former Jim Henson workshop employees, is said to have a softer, more approachable demeanor than the human Vance. “We wanted a puppet that exudes warmth and charm but also can recite fiscal policy on command,” said one strategist. “Basically, it’s J.D., but with soul.”

Sources report that the puppet, named “J.D. Junior,” will have realistic human features, except for the visible strings and a permanent smile — a stark contrast to the real Vance, whose default expression has been described by some as “Midwest stoic” and by others as “the look of a man who just remembered he left the stove on.”

“The puppet’s a hit in focus groups,” said the campaign’s lead puppeteer, who is also in charge of making J.D. Junior nod at appropriate moments. “When we tested the puppet against clips of the real Vance, it wasn’t even close. The puppet scored higher on likability, relatability, and, oddly enough, knowledge of the Constitution.”

The idea of using a puppet in political debates is unprecedented, but the Vance campaign is hopeful. “At first we thought this was crazy,” admitted one aide. “But then we realized, we’re living in a world where politicians already act like puppets half the time. Why not make it official?”

Rumors have circulated that the puppet will also be programmed to deliver one-liners and dad jokes to counter Walz’s poised rhetoric. “We’re hoping to get some laughs,” the campaign manager said. “J.D. Junior is designed to blink adorably whenever Kamala says something too serious. And he’s got this little shrug that says, ‘Hey, I’m just a guy trying my best!’ It’s relatable. It’s disarming.”

While critics are skeptical about the move, some say the puppet might be an improvement over the real Vance. “Look, if J.D. can pull this off, he’s a genius,” said one political commentator. “And if he can’t, well, the puppet will at least make great GIFs.”

As for J.D. Vance himself, he’s reportedly fine with the arrangement. “If it helps me win,” he said, “I’m all in. Plus, the puppet version of me never needs to go to the bathroom, so that’s a plus for long debates.”

The world will be watching on Tuesday to see if J.D. Junior can charm the electorate — or at the very least, make fewer awkward pauses than the original model.