“Running out of clouds to yell at!” November 2024 – Across the country, a cloud of anxiety looms over Thanksgiving gatherings as millions of Boomer parents, aunts, and uncles struggle to find a suitable topic to argue about over the dinner table. Following Trump’s unexpected victory, the traditional feast-day yelling that once united families in...
In a move that has stunned political pundits and family dinner tables alike, thousands of Republican women across the country have chosen to literally eat their young in an effort to prove once and for all that conservative women, like their Democratic counterparts, do not require children to assert political or personal power. The mass...
In what many are calling his most creative endeavor yet, Donald Trump Jr. has taken to TikTok with an unexpected and highly controversial new series of videos. Titled Neighborhood Nom Noms, the series aims to teach Americans how to cook delicious, homey meals using stray cats and dogs “liberated” from local yards, alleyways, and, in...
Valdosta, GA — The International Donut and Pastry League (IDPL) announced today that they are suing JD Vance, vice presidential candidate and author of “Hillbilly Elegy,” for what they call an “unprecedented attack” on the sex appeal of donuts. The lawsuit comes on the heels of a disastrous photo-op in Valdosta, Georgia, where Vance’s attempts...
In an unforeseen turn of events, fast-food giant McDonald’s has reported a significant decrease in sales as Americans finally come to grips with the revelation that experiencing diarrhea is, in fact, not enjoyable. Diarrhea Detractors Speak Out “I used to enjoy the thrill of eating a McDouble and playing the ‘Will I or Won’t I’...
Gen Z is reeling from a discovery that has left them questioning the very essence of their favorite snacks. Brace yourselves, because it turns out that the mysterious ingredient in fruits is, wait for it… more fruit! Yes, you read that right. It seems the digital-savvy generation, known for its ability to decode complex emojis...
In a stunning turn of events, the highly prestigious Nog Institute of America has just released its annual Nog Rankings, and guess who cracked the top ten? That’s right, egg nog! In a surprising upset, egg nog has been voted America’s 8th favorite nog, beating out lesser-known contenders like almond nog and coconut nog. The...
In a surprising turn of events, George Santos, the recently expelled congressman, is thrilled about his newfound freedom from the shackles of Capitol Hill. While most politicians would be devastated by such a setback, Santos has embraced the opportunity to focus on more important things in life—like family, cooking, and, of course, the impending federal...