Idaho Governor Brad Little has recently noted that due to his success in restricting all rights from anyone NOT a white male, that he managed to shave 200 years off the state. “Look how young our state looks. And as you know, we in Idaho like them young.” In a speech given to a large...
Sam Bankman-Fried May Now Trade “BitchCOIN”
Sam Bankman-Fried has been sentenced to 25 years in prison today. A sentence that could be reduced with good behavior. Bankman-Fried, 32, was convicted in November of fraud and conspiracy — a dramatic fall from a crest of success that included a Super Bowl advertisement and celebrity endorsements from stars like quarterback Tom Brady, basketball...
Presidents’ Day Now Will Add Asterisk To Signify “MOST” Presidents
Presidents’ Day, authorities have announced a significant amendment to the holiday’s celebration. Henceforth, Presidents’ Day will come with a subtle asterisk, signifying the inclusion of “MOST” presidents. This nuanced adjustment aims to acknowledge the vast majority of leaders who have graced the Oval Office while tactfully sidestepping a select few who might not be everyone’s...
Trump’s Lawyers Ask Judge if Business Ban Will Still Allow Him to Commit Fraud in New York
Trump’s lawyers are looking for more details on his devastating loss Friday in a New York fraud case that threatens the empire. Not only is the Ex-President forced to pay $355 in fines, but he is also ineligible do business in the State of New York for the next 3 years. Lawyers are looking for...
Lesbian Online Relationship Ends Terribly When Both Men Meet
Harlong, Nebraska – A long-term lesbian relationship went up in flames this week when both parties reluctantly met for the first time. Matt “Hot_tongue1169” Phillips and Terrance “NE146D9” Mapps, both of Harlong, have been conducting an online relationship since October 1998. Seth Chambers, a friend of Phillips, explains. “Matt started impersonating female Hot_Tongue1169 in lesbian...
Trump Clears the Air on His Lavish Lavatories
“Sometimes you have to take a giant Trump” Former President Donald Trump addressed the rumors swirling around his extravagant taste in toilets. With a characteristic blend of bravado and bluntness, Trump tackled head-on the speculation that his lavatories were merely gilded props for show. “Let me tell you folks, these solid gold toilets were not...
Trump Supporters’ Bank Accounts Feel the ‘Yuge’ Sting: As they are Ordered to Pay 83 Million After Trump’s Defamation Fiasco
Supporters of former President Donald Trump are finding themselves in an unexpected financial pickle after Trump’s loss in a defamation case filed by writer E. Jean Carroll. The court’s ruling, to the tune of a staggering 83 million dollars, has left many Trump loyalists scratching their heads and their wallets. The case stems from Carroll’s...
Pro-Campaigners Demand DeSantis’ Presidental Run Must Go Full Term
Florida Gov. Ron DeSantis suspended his Republican presidential campaign on Sunday, ending his 2024 White House bid just before the New Hampshire primary while endorsing his bitter rival Donald Trump. Many have taken to the streets to protest his early exit. Demanding he goes to full term with his campaign. The Political Run debate in...
Hallmark Introduces “I Demand An Apology” Greeting Cards
Hallmark has introduced a new line of greeting cards called “I Demand An Apology”. Sold in boxes of 500, Hallmark expects monthly net income to jump by at least 20%. If the political climate in Washington continues to deteriorate at its present rate net income could easily triple by the end of the year. Wanting...
Please Check The Expiration Date on Your Birth Certificate
In a stunning revelation that has left the nation collectively scratching its head, it turns out that birth certificates come with expiration dates! Cue the gasps, double-takes, and a resounding “Wait, what?” echoing across the land. As people flock to their dusty drawers and attics in search of this unexpected ticking time bomb, conspiracy theories...