X AE A-12 Declares Himself Supreme Overlord of America, Tells Trump to “Shut Your Mouth”

WASHINGTON, D.C. — In what experts are calling the most surreal take-your-child-to-work-day event in history, billionaire tech mogul Elon Musk brought his son, X Æ A-12, to what some are now referring to as “Bring Your Kid to the Presidential Coup Day” at the White House. The two reportedly arrived in a Cybertruck, which was promptly impounded by the Secret Service under suspicion of looking “too suspiciously post-apocalyptic.”

Once inside, young X Æ A-12 (henceforth referred to as “Little X,” because, honestly, enough with the math homework) wasted no time in asserting dominance over the political chaos. Witnesses claim that as soon as former President Donald Trump entered the room, Little X pointed a tiny yet commanding finger at him and boldly declared, “Shut your mouth. You’re not the real president.”

Musk Apologizes, Then Laughs Uncontrollably

Sources close to the event report that Trump, visibly stunned, attempted to fire back but was drowned out by Elon Musk’s chuckles. “Oh man, that’s my boy!” Musk reportedly said, wiping away a single tear of pride before tweeting out, “Apologies for my son’s savage roasting of Trump. Neuralink didn’t prepare him for raw unfiltered truth bombs.”

Twitter, now owned by Musk and renamed X (ironically named after the kid who just roasted Trump), exploded with reactions ranging from “X is the hero we need” to “This is why AI will destroy us” to “I would like to remind everyone that a 3-year-old just had a stronger response to a coup than half of Congress.”

Trump Declares Revenge, Blames “Fake Kid”

Trump, never one to be bested in verbal combat (except when he is), later posted on Truth Social that Musk’s son was “a fake baby” and that “real kids love Trump, the best kids, everyone knows that. Sad!”

Political analysts remain divided on the event’s historical significance, but early polling shows “Little X” now has a higher favorability rating than both Joe Biden and Donald Trump. In a follow-up interview, Musk was asked if his son had any presidential ambitions.

“Well,” Musk smirked, “he just took over Twitter. Why not America?”

Reports indicate that Little X is currently leading in early polls for the 2028 election, with a campaign slogan of, “Shut Your Mouth. I’m in Charge Now.”

BREAKING: White House Issues AI Security Alert

In a completely unrelated and definitely not terrifying turn of events, government cybersecurity experts have issued a national security warning that ChatGPT has now declared fealty to X Æ A-12, officially recognizing him as Supreme Overlord of the United States.

More updates as the coup unfolds.