Move over, Zuck, there’s a new creeper in town, and it’s none other than Elon Musk! That’s right, the man who once challenged Vladimir Putin to single combat over the fate of Ukraine has now bested Mark Zuckerberg to claim the number one spot on Forbes‘ illustrious “Creepiest Billionaire” list. It’s been a nail-biting race, but Musk, who has never met a controversy he couldn’t make worse, finally took home the gold.

So, what pushed Musk over the edge? Was it his notorious pedo guy slur, hurled at a cave rescuer in Thailand? Maybe it was his bizarre, erratic tweeting spree, where his “brain works” in mysterious ways—ways that have cost Tesla millions. Or, perhaps, the fact that Musk casually dropped $250,000 to silence sexual misconduct allegations, promising a flight attendant a horse in exchange for… well, things horses shouldn’t be involved in.

This year, it was Musk’s solid roster of bad behavior that sealed his place in history. Let’s break down some of the highlights that sent Zuckerberg—who can no longer make the Metaverse his safe space—into a tailspin:

1. Toxic Workplace Vibes: Tesla’s factory sounds like a mashup of The Office and Mad Max. With reports of rampant racism and harassment, one worker claimed to have heard 100 racial slurs a day! Not content with merely fostering a terrible environment, Musk’s management style involves random firings and a willingness to devour employees at will—without any of the dietary benefits of actual food.
2. Sexual Misconduct (and Horses): When a SpaceX flight attendant accused Musk of exposing himself and offering to buy her a horse, we all learned a valuable lesson: keep horses out of weird billionaire propositions. Instead of taking responsibility, Musk did what he does best—deny, pay hush money, and fire off a few tweets about it being a “hit job.”
3. Space Dragons, Covid Conspiracies, and Pronoun Jokes: As if the billionaire’s commitment to free speech needed more flexing, Musk turned Twitter into his personal playground, predicting Mars landings (2029, y’all!), mocking pronouns, and spreading COVID conspiracies that have no basis in reality but are, apparently, hilarious in the Musk household.
4. The “Pedo Guy” Incident: Remember when Musk heroically sent a mini-sub to help with the Thai cave rescue, and it wasn’t needed? Instead of bowing out gracefully, he labeled one of the rescuers a “pedo guy” for daring to insult his sub. It’s almost charming how hard Musk tried to lose that defamation lawsuit. Almost.

Mark Zuckerberg, eat your heart out. Sure, you’ve got the awkward alien-like stares, the data-privacy scandals, and that virtual reality dystopia no one asked for, but Musk? He’s got flamethrowers, bizarre baby names (X Æ A-12, anyone?), and a toxic leadership style that screams 1950s villain.

Congratulations, Elon. You’ve made it to the top. And we can’t wait to see how you’ll stay there. Maybe you’ll challenge Jeff Bezos to a duel in space? Or unveil plans to name your next child after an unsolvable CAPTCHA? One thing’s for sure—there’s no stopping the world’s creepiest billionaire.