Atlanta, GA — In a move that has left both lawmakers and citizens scratching their heads, Georgia Governor Brian Kemp signed into law the “Fetal Self-Defense Act” yesterday afternoon. The legislation mandates that all pregnant women equip their unborn children with concealed weapons “to protect against potential threats,” a move proponents say will deter abortion providers and critics call “absurd beyond belief.”

A New Frontier in Fetal Rights

“Georgia is taking a bold step in defending the rights of the unborn,” Governor Kemp declared at the signing ceremony, flanked by lawmakers enthusiastically nodding in agreement. “If we believe life starts at conception, then so should the right to bear arms.”

The law requires obstetricians to offer a selection of “miniature, prenatal-friendly firearms” during prenatal visits. Pamphlets titled “Your Baby’s First Sidearm” will be distributed, detailing options ranging from the “Tiny Troublemaker” to the “Peacemaker Petite.”

Supporters Applaud the Measure

State Senator Beauregard Thompson, a staunch supporter of the bill, praised the legislation as “a proactive approach to prenatal care and constitutional rights.”

“Why stop at heartbeat bills? Let’s give those heartbeats a fighting chance,” Thompson proclaimed on the Senate floor. “An armed fetus is a safe fetus.”

Local gun shops are already reporting a surge in inquiries about the new “womb-ready” weaponry. “We’ve got orders coming in for everything from holsters that attach to ultrasound machines to ammo made of prenatal vitamins,” said Chuck Williams, owner of BellyFire Arms.

Critics Express Concern

Healthcare professionals and women’s rights activists have expressed alarm over the new law. Dr. Emily Richards, an OB-GYN in Atlanta, questioned the medical feasibility of the mandate. “Setting aside the sheer impossibility, how am I supposed to perform an ultrasound when there’s a tiny firearm in the way?” she lamented.

The American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists issued a statement calling the law “medically nonsensical and potentially harmful,” urging for its immediate reconsideration.

Legal experts are also weighing in on the constitutional quagmire the law presents. “This raises so many questions,” said Professor Linda Martinez from Georgia State University’s College of Law. “Does a fetus now have Second Amendment rights? Will they require a permit? The law is, quite literally, unprecedented.”

What’s Next?

As the “Fetal Self-Defense Act” moves from bill to law, hospitals and clinics across Georgia are scrambling to understand how to comply.

In the meantime, Governor Kemp remains optimistic. “We’re leading the nation in unborn safety protocols,” he stated confidently. “Georgia’s babies will be the best-protected in the country, starting from conception.”

Whether this legislative experiment will stand the tests of law, medicine, and common sense remains to be seen. For now, expectant mothers in Georgia might find their next prenatal appointment comes with some unusual options in the brochure rack.