In what can only be described as a tragic defeat for the pillow tycoon turned political crusader, Mike Lindell, CEO of MyPillow, was recently caught on camera losing a tussle with a 12-year-old child at the Democratic National Convention (DNC). But while the liberal media has been quick to air the footage of this humiliating loss on an endless loop, there’s another story they’re conveniently ignoring: the one where Lindell allegedly “completely destroyed” a 6-year-old girl in a parking lot showdown over a Taylor Swift song.

Sporting a freshly shaved upper lip in what can only be described as the most dedicated (and ill-conceived) attempt at going undercover since Clark Kent, Lindell was reportedly on a mission to deliver “undercover footage” for his conservative news website, FrankSpeech. Instead, he found himself locked in combat with a pint-sized progressive who was clearly too much for the pillow salesman to handle.

But Lindell isn’t taking the loss lying down. “Everyone’s talking about how I got taken down by that 12-year-old,” he said in a statement released exclusively to FrankSpeech. “But no one is talking about how I made that 6-year-old girl cry in the parking lot. I destroyed her! She was sobbing! Where’s CNN on that one? Where’s MSNBC? All they want to show is that I lost to some kid. But you didn’t see the look on that little girl’s face when I told her ‘You Belong With Me’ was garbage. She didn’t stand a chance!”

According to witnesses, the altercation began when Lindell overheard the young girl singing along to Taylor Swift’s hit song, “Shake It Off.” Apparently incensed by her innocent joy, Lindell confronted the child, launching into a tirade about the “decline of American values” and how “real music died with The Monkees.” When the girl tearfully tried to defend her favorite pop star, Lindell reportedly went for the jugular, declaring that “You Belong With Me” was an affront to the concept of true love, sending the 6-year-old into a fit of tears.

While the mainstream media continues to focus on his defeat at the hands of a preteen at the DNC, Lindell insists that the real story is his “crushing victory” over a first grader. “This is classic media bias,” Lindell said, shaking his mustache-less face in disbelief. “I take down a 6-year-old Swiftie and no one cares. But I lose to a 12-year-old and suddenly it’s news? I’ve never seen such a blatant cover-up.”

Lindell’s latest stunt has sparked a wave of reactions from across the political spectrum. Matt Walsh, another right-wing personality with a flair for controversial takes, was quick to offer his support. “The real issue here is how the left is silencing our victories,” Walsh said on his podcast. “First, they come for our mustaches, then they ignore our triumphs over toddlers. This is what cancel culture looks like.”

Meanwhile, Taylor Swift has remained notably silent on the matter, perhaps too busy shaking off the absurdity of it all to comment. As for the 6-year-old girl, sources say she’s recovering from the traumatic experience with the help of some ice cream and a comforting playlist of “Fearless” and “Red.”

In the end, while the liberal media continues to air Lindell’s DNC defeat on a loop, the pillow mogul is left wondering why no one seems to care about his one-man war on Swifties. “I just want the truth out there,” Lindell said, his voice cracking slightly. “That little girl never stood a chance.”

But in a world where a 12-year-old can best a grown man with ease, perhaps it’s time for Lindell to rethink his strategy—or at least pick on someone his own size.