In what Pentagon officials are calling “an unhelpful but somehow completely on-brand incident,” Trump ally and White House “special military advisor” Pete Hegseth reportedly accidentally disclosed top secret U.S. military plans by writing them into the “Add Tip” section of a TGI Fridays receipt Sunday night.
According to eyewitnesses, Hegseth, who had allegedly consumed “no fewer than five” Double Berry Mojitos over a three-hour binge, attempted to leave a generous tip for his server. Instead, he carefully penciled in classified details about upcoming U.S. airstrikes on Houthi targets in Yemen, including times, coordinates, and a helpful doodle of what he thought a Houthi looked like (later confirmed to just be a very poorly drawn Garfield).
“He seemed really intense about it,” said server Kelsie Manning, 22, who described Hegseth muttering phrases like “precision payload delivery” and “maximum kinetic impact” while squinting at the tip line. “I thought maybe he was just calculating 20% in his head, but then he wrote ‘Launch Tomahawk strikes from USS Gravely at 0400Z.’ Honestly, I was just happy to get anything above 10%.”
After finishing the mojitos and a “full rack of signature Whiskey-Glazed Ribs,” Hegseth reportedly posed for selfies with several diners, left the receipt with the war plans still attached to the signed checkbook, and stumbled into the parking lot, loudly demanding to know “which way was Mecca so we can carpet bomb it.”
Fridays management initially thought the note was a prank. “We see a lot of weird stuff here,” said Assistant Manager Bob Caldwell. “Last week someone drew a penis in the tip line and wrote ‘blow me’ on the bottom of the receipt. We just assumed this was the same vibe, but you know… more Pentagon-y.”
By the time a busboy noticed phrases like “Strike package alpha” and “ROE escalation pre-authorized by DJT” scrawled in blue Bic pen, the receipt had already been posted to the restaurant’s TikTok account under the caption #FridaysFails. It garnered over 2 million views before being hastily deleted at the request of a “very sweaty man in a government SUV.”
Sources inside the White House said President Trump was “not worried” about the leak, calling it “a perfect receipt, maybe the best tip anyone’s ever left, frankly.” When pressed further, Trump added, “Pete’s just showing how generous we are with freedom. Very generous. Bigly airstrikes. Huge.”
Meanwhile, Defense Secretary Lloyd Austin has ordered an internal review of the Pentagon’s “Bring Your Secrets to Happy Hour” policy, which apparently was “never supposed to be a thing” but somehow got added to Trump’s 2025 executive orders under “things I thought sounded funny at the time.”
As for Hegseth, he issued a brief statement Monday morning:
“While I regret the confusion, I stand by my support for our military—and also for TGI Fridays’ bold flavor combinations. I hope my mistake doesn’t jeopardize ongoing operations, or my Platinum Rewards membership.”
No word yet if disciplinary action will be taken, though inside sources say Pete was last seen trying to pay for a Waffle House meal with a napkin that allegedly included sketches of future cyberwarfare tactics against Canada.
