In a shocking revelation that has rocked the political landscape, former President Donald J. Trump has finally admitted why he was so passionate about banning plastic straws: one touched him inappropriately at his 13th birthday party. The confession came during an impromptu press conference at Mar-a-Lago, where Trump, standing in front of a golden ice sculpture of himself, recounted the...
Politics
Elon Musk Celebrates “Bring Your Kid to the Presidential Coup Day” at the White House
X AE A-12 Declares Himself Supreme Overlord of America, Tells Trump to “Shut Your Mouth” WASHINGTON, D.C. — In what experts are calling the most surreal take-your-child-to-work-day event in history, billionaire tech mogul Elon Musk brought his son, X Æ A-12, to what some are now referring to as “Bring Your Kid to the Presidential Coup Day” at the White...
250 MILLION AMERICANS SCREAM “BINGO!” AS TRUMP SPEEDRUNS THE APOCALYPSE
In an event that will go down in history as either the loudest synchronized scream or the final desperate cry of a collapsing nation, 250 million Americans simultaneously yelled “BINGO!” this morning after President Donald Trump’s latest actions successfully filled out their End of the World Bingo cards. The collective outburst, described by one scientist as “audible from space,” occurred...
Entertainment
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Geneva Convention Moved to Las Vegas
Geneva, Switzerland – Swiss tourism professionals got the bad news yesterday that the Geneva Convention, the world’s oldest and largest...