Hollywood, CA – In an event that has shocked meteorologists, pop culture enthusiasts, and the LGBTQ+ community alike, beloved fitness guru Richard Simmons emerged from his self-imposed hibernation yesterday. In a bizarre twist of fate, he saw his own shadow, promptly announcing six more weeks of Gay Pride Month.
Simmons, who has largely stayed out of the public eye in recent years, made his surprise appearance early Tuesday morning. Clad in his signature glittery tank top and striped dolphin shorts, the fitness icon dazzled a small crowd of onlookers gathered outside his Hollywood home.
As the sun rose and cast a long shadow behind him, Simmons exclaimed, “Oh my stars! I see my shadow! You know what that means, darling? Six more fabulous weeks of Pride!”
Local officials were quick to convene a special session to discuss the unprecedented declaration. “This is an extraordinary development,” said Los Angeles Mayor Karen Bass. “While the calendar clearly states that June is Pride Month, we cannot deny the authority of Richard Simmons when it comes to matters of fabulousness.”
Across the nation, Pride organizers scrambled to extend their events. “We were just wrapping up our Pride festivities,” said San Francisco Pride President Carolyn Wysinger. “But if Richard says we need six more weeks, then by glitter, we’ll give the people what they want!”
The announcement has received mixed reactions. While many in the LGBTQ+ community are thrilled at the prospect of extended celebrations, others are concerned about logistical and financial implications. “We’ve already budgeted for one month,” said New York City Pride Treasurer James Johnson. “Extending to six more weeks is going to require some creative fundraising. Maybe we can convince Richard to host a few charity aerobics classes?”
Critics argue that Simmons’ proclamation, while whimsical, could lead to confusion and fatigue. “Pride is a time for visibility and celebration,” said cultural commentator Gwendolyn Waters. “But we must also consider the sustainability of such a prolonged period. People need time to recharge their sequins.”
Nevertheless, the overall sentiment remains positive. Social media has erupted with memes and gifs celebrating the unexpected news, and the hashtag #SimmonsSeesShadow has been trending on Twitter. “This is the best news I’ve heard all year,” tweeted one user. “More Pride means more love and more glitter!”
As for Simmons, he seems unfazed by the sudden media frenzy. When asked for further comments, he simply twirled and said, “Darling, life is too short not to celebrate every moment. Now, let’s get back to sweating to the oldies!”
So, ready your rainbow flags, stock up on glitter, and prepare your most fabulous outfits. It seems the party isn’t over just yet. Richard Simmons has spoken, and the world is ready for six more glorious weeks of Gay Pride.
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