Charlotte, NC — In what has been described as a “bold new chapter in sports history,” the Carolina Panthers have...
Sports
Pete Rose Banned from Heaven After Being Caught Betting on His Own Dead Pool
Heaven (October 1, 2024) – In a stunning turn of celestial events, Pete Rose, the legendary baseball star who was infamously banned from Major League Baseball for gambling, has now found himself banned from heaven after an even more shocking revelation: he placed a bet on his own death in a heavenly dead pool. Sources close to the pearly gates...
Carolina Panthers MATHEMATICALLY Eliminated from 2027 NFL Playoffs
Charlotte, NC — In what has been described as a “bold new chapter in sports history,” the Carolina Panthers have become the first team to be mathematically eliminated from the NFL playoffs before playing a single game in the 2027 season. The unprecedented announcement came from the NFL headquarters this morning, where Commissioner Roger Goodell cited “extensive mathematical modeling” and...
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Henry Kissinger Taken Back To How Hot And Flamey Heaven Is
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Geneva Convention Moved to Las Vegas
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George Santos Happy He Can Spend More Time On Things Like Family, Cooking, and Federal Prison
In a surprising turn of events, George Santos, the recently expelled congressman, is thrilled about his newfound freedom from the...
Trump Claims He Is Immuned To The Laws Of Physics
Former President Donald Trump has declared that he has transcended the laws of physics and is now officially immune to...