Washington, DC – Marjorie Taylor Greene today denounced the Biden Administration for having done nothing to avert the extinction of...
Science & Technology
Ban of TikTok Will Force Thousands To Find Other Websites To Convince You That You Can Make A Watermelon Look and Taste Like Steak
TikTok—the beloved app that made viral watermelon steak tutorials a household phenomenon—is facing a potential nationwide ban, leaving Gen Z creators scrambling to find alternative platforms to share their groundbreaking revelation: that watermelon, when seared just right, can allegedly taste like steak. For millions of Gen Z TikTok users, this isn’t just about losing an app—it’s about losing a way...
Elon Musk Becomes 2nd Most History-Changing “Piece of Sh*t” After the Elvis Incident
In a groundbreaking development in the annals of absurd historical milestones, Elon Musk has officially been declared the second most history-changing piece of shit—just behind the infamous turd that indirectly caused Elvis Presley’s fatal bathroom heart attack. A Turd of Legendary Proportions The “Elvis Turd,” as it’s colloquially known, has long been heralded as the pinnacle of excremental significance. According...
Crypto Investors Celebrate as Bitcoin ‘Bounces Back’ to Half of What They Lost Last Year
“The comeback is real!” tweets a hopeful millionaire-turned-Uber driver. Crypto enthusiasts are in high spirits this week as Bitcoin surged to an impressive $28,000—a number that, while still a fraction of its former $60,000 glory, has inspired a wave of optimism among long-suffering investors. “This is the comeback we’ve been waiting for!” tweeted self-proclaimed crypto mogul Gary Hoddle, now an...
Earth Moves to 3rd Most Hostile Living Conditions of all Planets in our Galaxy
Earth’s reputation as the universe’s “Goldilocks planet” is officially over. In a stunning fall from grace, Earth has been downgraded from the best place to live to the third most hostile planet, trailing behind the scorching infernos of Mercury and Venus. Experts cite two key reasons for this nosedive: Donald Trump’s reelection and Elon Musk’s relentless meddling in, well, everything....
Featured Stories
Thousands Boast Plan To Save Money By Not Paying Bills While Not Having A Job
In a world where financial wizardry meets unemployment chic, a growing trend is taking the internet by storm. Thousands of...
World Glances Up From Phones, Shrugs, and Resumes Scrolling
In a surprising turn of events today, the entire world collectively tore its gaze away from its beloved screens, only...
Marjorie Taylor Greene Say Biden Did Nothing to Stop Dinosaur Extinction
Washington, DC – Marjorie Taylor Greene today denounced the Biden Administration for having done nothing to avert the extinction of...
New Evidence Shows Donner Party Victims of High Protein Diet
Documents recently discovered by historians at Stanford University reveal that members of the famed Donner Party did not eat their...
Henry Kissinger Taken Back To How Hot And Flamey Heaven Is
In a surprising turn of celestial events, former Secretary of State Henry Kissinger was taken aback upon his arrival in...
Geneva Convention Moved to Las Vegas
Geneva, Switzerland – Swiss tourism professionals got the bad news yesterday that the Geneva Convention, the world’s oldest and largest...
George Santos Happy He Can Spend More Time On Things Like Family, Cooking, and Federal Prison
In a surprising turn of events, George Santos, the recently expelled congressman, is thrilled about his newfound freedom from the...
Trump Claims He Is Immuned To The Laws Of Physics
Former President Donald Trump has declared that he has transcended the laws of physics and is now officially immune to...