In a world where financial wizardry meets unemployment chic, a growing trend is taking the internet by storm. Thousands of...
The Opinion Pages
New Evidence Shows Donner Party Victims of High Protein Diet
Documents recently discovered by historians at Stanford University reveal that members of the famed Donner Party did not eat their...
George Santos Happy He Can Spend More Time On Things Like Family, Cooking, and Federal Prison
In a surprising turn of events, George Santos, the recently expelled congressman, is thrilled about his newfound freedom from the...
In Food
EggNog Votes American’s 8th Favorite Nog
In a stunning turn of events, the highly prestigious Nog Institute of America has just released its annual Nog Rankings,...
Fruity Revelation: Gen Z Discover Only Ingredient in Fruit Is More Fruit
Gen Z is reeling from a discovery that has left them questioning the very essence of their favorite snacks. Brace...
In Fashion & Style, Lifestyle, Main
Girl Wishes Happy Birthday to 10-Year-Old Dating Profile Picture
“Happy birthday, my eternal wingman!” Sarah exclaimed, tapping her phone screen with glee. “You’ve been catfishing potential suitors for a...
Trump Determinded to Make ‘Mericans as Dumb As Him, Or More Dumber
In a move that left educators scratching their heads and late-night comedians rubbing their hands in glee, President Trump unveiled...
Trump’s First Executive Order: Granting Himself A Kagillion More Executive Orders
WASHINGTON, D.C. — On his very first day as President, Donald J. Trump made history yet again. In a move...
National Flags to Fly at Half-Flaccid for the Next Four Years
The Department of State announced today that all U.S. flags—state and national—will fly at “half-flaccid” to honor the inauguration of...
In Lifestyle, Main, Politics, Technology, Uncategorized
Ban of TikTok Will Force Thousands To Find Other Websites To Convince You That You Can Make A Watermelon Look and Taste Like Steak
TikTok—the beloved app that made viral watermelon steak tutorials a household phenomenon—is facing a potential nationwide ban, leaving Gen Z...
In Entertainment, Lifestyle, Main
America Finally Finds Common Ground as Americans Agree They Have No Clue Who Robbie Williams Is
UNITY IN 2025!!! In a stunning display of rare and historic unity, the United States of America has come together...
In Entertainment, Main, Politics, Technology
Elon Musk Becomes 2nd Most History-Changing “Piece of Sh*t” After the Elvis Incident
In a groundbreaking development in the annals of absurd historical milestones, Elon Musk has officially been declared the second most...
Trump Determinded to Make ‘Mericans as Dumb As Him, Or More Dumber
In a move that left educators scratching their heads and late-night comedians rubbing their hands in glee, President Trump unveiled...
Trump’s First Executive Order: Granting Himself A Kagillion More Executive Orders
WASHINGTON, D.C. — On his very first day as President, Donald J. Trump made history yet again. In a move...
National Flags to Fly at Half-Flaccid for the Next Four Years
The Department of State announced today that all U.S. flags—state and national—will fly at “half-flaccid” to honor the inauguration of...
In Lifestyle, Main, Politics, Technology, Uncategorized
Ban of TikTok Will Force Thousands To Find Other Websites To Convince You That You Can Make A Watermelon Look and Taste Like Steak
TikTok—the beloved app that made viral watermelon steak tutorials a household phenomenon—is facing a potential nationwide ban, leaving Gen Z...
In Entertainment, Main, Politics, Technology
Elon Musk Becomes 2nd Most History-Changing “Piece of Sh*t” After the Elvis Incident
In a groundbreaking development in the annals of absurd historical milestones, Elon Musk has officially been declared the second most...
President-Elect Trump Spends Christmas Claiming Gifts with “Mine!” Methodology
Mar-a-Lago, Florida — In what observers are calling a “bold and festive display of manifest destiny,” President-elect Donald Trump reportedly...