Mar-a-Lago, FL — In a move that has left legal experts scrambling for words, former President Donald Trump held a press conference today to declare that all charges against him should be dropped on the grounds of “absolute and total insanity.”

Flanked by his legal team, who appeared to be alternating between nervous sweating and attempting to hide their smirks, Trump made his case with the same bravado that marked his time in office. “They say I’m unfit to stand trial. I say, look, I’m the most unfit person you’ve ever seen! They tell me I might be crazy, and I say, I am crazy—crazy like a fox! But also like a guy who should not be tried for any of this stuff.”

The former president, who has often bragged about his “very good brain,” now claims that his intellect is so advanced, it has veered into the territory of complete and utter lunacy. “People say I’m a genius. Some people even say I’m the best genius. But it’s too much. I’m so smart, it’s driven me mad. How can you put a mad genius on trial? It’s not fair, folks. It’s a disgrace.”

Trump’s legal team, led by Rudy Giuliani, who wore a straightjacket-themed tie for the occasion, elaborated on the defense strategy. “Our client, Mr. Trump, has demonstrated time and again that his behavior is beyond the comprehension of any reasonable person. His tweets alone are evidence of a mind that cannot be judged by conventional legal standards.”

To bolster their case, the Trump team presented a series of “exhibits” that they claimed demonstrated his insanity. These included:

• A golden toilet installed at Mar-a-Lago that Trump reportedly talks to for advice on international diplomacy.
• A life-size cardboard cutout of Hillary Clinton that Trump regularly yells at during staff meetings.
• A collection of classified documents stored in a room labeled “Super Secret Do Not Open” that Trump insists are actually “love letters” from Kim Jong-un.

The legal team’s argument hinges on the idea that Trump’s behavior has been so erratic, so unhinged, that no rational jury could possibly convict him. “He’s been impeached twice, indicted multiple times, and yet, he keeps running for president. If that’s not proof of insanity, I don’t know what is,” said Giuliani, who then attempted to drink from an invisible glass before being gently corrected by an aide.

Trump himself seemed confident in his new defense. “Look, they said I colluded with Russia. Then they said I tried to overthrow the government. Now they say I’m insane. And you know what? They’re right! I’m completely out of my mind, and that’s why this whole thing should be thrown out. It’s just common sense.”

Reaction to Trump’s claim has been mixed. Some legal analysts suggest that the insanity defense might actually be his best shot, while others note that it’s a strategy usually reserved for those who are, well, insane. Meanwhile, late-night hosts have reportedly hired additional writing staff to keep up with the onslaught of material.

As for the American public, opinions are divided. Some supporters argue that this is just another example of Trump’s “genius” at work, turning the legal system on its head. Others are just hoping that this latest twist will somehow involve a giant rubber chicken.

Regardless of how the courts respond, one thing is certain: The spectacle surrounding Donald Trump shows no sign of slowing down. Whether he’s a madman or a mad genius, the world will be watching to see what he does next—possibly from behind padded walls.