WASHINGTON, D.C. — On his very first day as President, Donald J. Trump made history yet again. In a move that stunned scholars, political analysts, and even his most devoted supporters, Trump signed an executive order granting himself a “kagillion more executive orders” — a number so large it prompted White House staff to Google whether it was a real word (it isn’t).

“This is the most important executive order, maybe ever. Some are saying it’s genius. I’m not saying it, but people are saying it,” Trump announced during a surprise press conference in the Oval Office. “I had one executive order, folks, just one. And I thought, why stop there? Why not go big? So I asked myself: ‘What’s the biggest number?’ And the answer, of course, is kagillion. Tremendous number. Huge.”

The executive order itself, officially titled Executive Order #1: The Bigly Expansion of Executive Order Power for the Best President Ever (and unofficially nicknamed “The Infinity Wish”), contains a single sentence:

“I, Donald J. Trump, hereby grant myself a kagillion more executive orders because I deserve it, and everyone knows it, okay? Believe me.”

Within hours of signing the order, Trump put his newfound powers to work. His second executive order declared every day “National Trump Day,” complete with parades, commemorative coins, and mandatory Trump steaks at all federal cafeterias. His third order banned “fake news outlets” from White House grounds, a category that now includes any media that doesn’t refer to him as “Your Excellency, the Orange Wizard of Winning.”

By the end of his first week, Trump had issued 872 executive orders, including one requiring all Mount Rushmore statues to “look a little more Trumpy” and another mandating that wind turbines apologize for “making cancer.”

When asked if there’s a limit to his executive powers, Trump laughed. “A limit? No, no. I’ve got a kagillion, remember? Kagillion. It’s a number. It’s huge. Bigger than anything anyone’s ever had. And guess what? If I run out, I’ll just give myself a bajillion more. Simple!”

As Trump left the press conference to sign Executive Order #873, titled “Melania Has to Hold My Hand,” staffers quietly debated whether “kagillion” would be added to the Merriam-Webster dictionary.

“We’re living in a cartoon now,” sighed one aide.

Meanwhile, in a dark corner of the White House basement, a dusty genie lamp sat on a shelf, trembling.