Presidents’ Day, authorities have announced a significant amendment to the holiday’s celebration. Henceforth, Presidents’ Day will come with a subtle asterisk, signifying the inclusion of “MOST” presidents. This nuanced adjustment aims to acknowledge the vast majority of leaders who have graced the Oval Office while tactfully sidestepping a select few who might not be everyone’s cup of tea.

The decision comes after years of debate surrounding the inclusivity of the holiday. While Presidents’ Day traditionally honors all American presidents, the reality is that not all Commanders-in-Chief are created equal in the eyes of history—or the American people. Hence, the asterisk, a punctuation mark with the power to both include and exclude, has been deemed the perfect symbol for this nuanced approach.

“We wanted to strike a balance between recognizing the accomplishments of our nation’s leaders and acknowledging that, well, not all presidents are created equal,” explained a spokesperson for the Presidential Holidays Committee. “The asterisk serves as a gentle reminder that while we’re celebrating ‘most’ presidents, there are a few who may not have made the cut.”

Naturally, this begs the question: which presidents will be relegated to the footnotes of history, left out of the asterisk’s benevolent embrace? While officials remained tight-lipped on the specifics, rumors abound that certain divisive figures—let’s call them the “asterisk-avoiders”—could find themselves on the outside looking in.

“For example,” whispered one anonymous source, “we might not see William Henry Harrison or Franklin Pierce making the cut. Let’s face it, one died after 32 days in office, and the other… well, let’s just say he’s not topping any popularity polls.”

“Don’t get us started on the Orange one.”

Indeed, the asterisk’s selective inclusion has sparked a wave of speculation and intrigue across the nation. Social media platforms are alight with heated debates over which presidents deserve the asterisk’s coveted seal of approval and which ones might be better off forgotten. Memes featuring Abraham Lincoln giving a thumbs-up next to a perplexed James Buchanan abound, encapsulating the whimsical spirit of the holiday.

So, as you enjoy your day off this Presidents’ Day, take a moment to appreciate the asterisk—small in size, yet mighty in significance. It’s a reminder that while our nation’s leaders may come and go, their legacies, for better or worse, will always be subject to the whims of history—and the occasional asterisk.