BOISE IDAHO – Idaho Pedophile Matt Melton stood in front of a large crowd, which they assured was more than 1000 feet from any park or school, to voice their support of Vice President hopeful J.D. Vance.

“We love children!” Melton cheered. “The world is nothing without these young, attractive souls!”

Vance was quoted saying “We’re effectively run in this country, via the Democrats, via our corporate oligarchs, by a bunch of childless cat ladies who are miserable at their own lives and the choices that they’ve made, and so they want to make the rest of the country miserable, too. And it’s just a basic fact. You look at Kamala Harris, Pete Buttigieg, AOC – the entire future of the Democrats is controlled by people without children.”

Melton repeatedly said “If you can’t have children, you should just go out and find some. Get a van, get some candy, and make a relatable Facebook or Discord profile. Nothing should stop you from making a connection with a youth.”

The arrival of a school bus quickly broke up the group though they plan to group up again after the approval of their probation officers.