TikTok—the beloved app that made viral watermelon steak tutorials a household phenomenon—is facing a potential nationwide ban, leaving Gen Z creators scrambling to find alternative platforms to share their groundbreaking revelation: that watermelon, when seared just right, can allegedly taste like steak. For millions of Gen Z TikTok users, this isn’t just about losing an...
In a groundbreaking development in the annals of absurd historical milestones, Elon Musk has officially been declared the second most history-changing piece of shit—just behind the infamous turd that indirectly caused Elvis Presley’s fatal bathroom heart attack. A Turd of Legendary Proportions The “Elvis Turd,” as it’s colloquially known, has long been heralded as the...
“The comeback is real!” tweets a hopeful millionaire-turned-Uber driver. Crypto enthusiasts are in high spirits this week as Bitcoin surged to an impressive $28,000—a number that, while still a fraction of its former $60,000 glory, has inspired a wave of optimism among long-suffering investors. “This is the comeback we’ve been waiting for!” tweeted self-proclaimed crypto...
Earth’s reputation as the universe’s “Goldilocks planet” is officially over. In a stunning fall from grace, Earth has been downgraded from the best place to live to the third most hostile planet, trailing behind the scorching infernos of Mercury and Venus. Experts cite two key reasons for this nosedive: Donald Trump’s reelection and Elon Musk’s...
Donald Trump has unveiled his latest product: the Trump Timepiece™. This revolutionary watch has promised to redefine how we perceive time, not by telling it accurately, but by telling you why all other watches are complete and total failures. At a flashy press conference in Mar-a-Lago, Trump declared, “I’ve got the best watch, folks. The...
Beijing, China – In an unprecedented and heartwarming show of camaraderie and self-care, the world’s most notorious SMS scammers have decided to put their work on hold to enjoy a week-long gaming binge of the newly released Black Myth: Wukong. The scam industry, usually known for its relentless pursuit of unsuspecting smartphone users with fake...
Washington, D.C. – In a series of events that has captivated the White House staff, President Joe Biden has found himself in a battle of wits with a formidable opponent: the TV remote. With Vice President Kamala Harris hitting the campaign trail, the Commander-in-Chief is left to navigate the treacherous waters of modern technology solo,...
In what was initially thought to be a major cyber breakthrough, Iranian hackers recently claimed to have successfully breached the email account of former U.S. President Donald Trump. However, instead of uncovering state secrets or international conspiracies, the hackers found themselves in a bizarre situation—Trump’s entire email history consisted of just one message, forwarded thousands...
In a bold and highly questionable move, Sticker Mule has announced an unprecedented show of support for former President Donald Trump. The company is now offering half-price discounts on MAGA hats and Nazi flags for customers who use the promo code #letsgobrandon at checkout. In a press release that left many scratching their heads, Sticker...