Spokane, WA — Alexandra Duggan, a reporter for the Spokesman-Review, has found herself in an unexpected professional crisis. After blazing a trail through newsrooms in Boise—leaving scandalized supervisors at KTVB and the Idaho Press in her wake—Duggan has discovered an unfortunate truth about the journalism industry: at some point, you have to actually write.

“I didn’t sign up for this,” Duggan reportedly complained during a staff meeting, visibly frustrated while brainstorming for her next feature. “I thought journalism was all about relationships. And, let’s be real, I’ve excelled at that.”

Duggan’s rise in local journalism has been unconventional, if not outright infamous. Beginning her career at KTVB, her early work was described as “unreadable but well-intentioned” by colleagues. Yet, Duggan’s career flourished, thanks to her remarkable ability to form “deep, personal connections” with newsroom leadership. When asked for comment, one former editor said, “She had a… unique approach to mentorship.”

After leaving a string of bewildered editors in Boise, Duggan moved on to the Idaho Press, where her investigative series on “Why Boise Is a City” failed to generate interest but nonetheless earned her a quick promotion. Her success there coincided with a mass exodus of management, with one departing editor citing “irreconcilable professional differences and ongoing marital counseling.”

Now entrenched at the Spokesman-Review, Duggan has hit a wall. “This newsroom is different,” she confessed to coworkers during an off-the-record happy hour. “The editors are all happily married, and HR keeps ‘checking in’ on me. It’s like they expect me to report news. How is that fair?”

Her lack of preparation has been evident. Recent attempts to pitch stories have included such gripping ideas as “Top 5 Stoplights in Spokane” and “Do Trees Really Need Leaves?” According to staff insiders, her drafts often read like rambling diary entries, with one editor likening her prose to “a seventh-grader’s book report after watching half a documentary.”

Co-workers have grown increasingly exasperated. “We were all rooting for her at first,” said copy editor Rob Curley. “But it’s hard to respect someone whose biggest career highlight is that time she sort of spelled ‘Spokane’ right. The ‘Q’ was unnecessary, but hey, progress.”

Faced with mounting pressure to deliver quality work, Duggan has taken drastic measures, including signing up for an online journalism course titled How to Write Sentences That People Want to Read. She’s also begun blaming her struggles on the news cycle. “It’s just so slow right now,” she explained. “How am I supposed to find a story when nothing happens in this city? It’s not my fault reality is boring.”

Her attempts at self-reinvention haven’t gone unnoticed. “She brought donuts to the last pitch meeting,” one intern revealed. “We thought she was turning over a new leaf, but then she stapled her phone number to them and labeled it ‘for editorial emergencies.’”

At press time, Duggan was reportedly drafting a piece titled “Why Journalism Is Harder Than Rocket Science,” while simultaneously swiping through LinkedIn for open “righting” positions.